A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. Cause your face looks kind of funky. 134 Likes, 20 Comments - Wellness Habits + Accountability partner (@cassiehuntwellness) on Instagram: "There's kind of a running joke in my family. Even young children enjoy the structure of joke-telling; the setup, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud together! Did you hear the one about the roof? A response that will make you feel like you won the confrontation. Let's begin. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Neeeooooooow! Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Oh look! Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . With more than 130 jokes to scroll through, the laughs are guaranteed! READ THIS NEXT: 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. What did prehistoric animals get instead of blisters? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. How do you throw a space party? When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. I know because they told me. How do you organize a space party? Cereal. 3. Making love to a woman is like playing the violin. This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. These office jokes are so funny, they'll make your day better or at least they'll take you away from what you're working on for a few minutes. Because, as mentioned above, the question implies that the question asker does not care about what the person they asked it to has to say. Ate something. ThanksI'll never part with it. 3. Knock Knock! It needed help figuring out its problems. Why are YOU shaking? You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. Thats the church I used to go to.. Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. Youre probably dumb. In many cases, these and the previously-suggested formulas are no more than conversational fillers; the direct approach of just asking the question you want to ask often is a better thing to do. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Who Asked, Nobody Asked, and That's Crazy, But I Don't Remember Asking are expressions used to indicate a lack of interest in what another person has said or posted, similar to Cool Story, Bro. Last Updated: December 5th 2022. Remains to be seen. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. Because the queen reigned there for decades. Be careful to whom you send these. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. He wanted his quarter back. READ THIS NEXT:80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away? 42. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. 36. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? Once. Because it was a little horse. How do celebrities stay cool? Whenever someone has a health problem or feels like" The bartender shows them the door and says, Sorry, we dont serve minors.. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? ? How does a squid go into battle? You look drunk. A penguin in the washing machine. My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyones hair. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" If they do, we've got more timeless jokes for you. 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! But hilarious jokes never go out of style. Your wife will always blow your bonus! Originally Published: May 29, 2019 When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. Thats not to say the images on this page will make you any smarter, but they may offer you some material you can use in a variety of ways. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. 2. I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. I failed math so many times at school, I can't even . Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? You might enjoy: 24+ Clean Comebacks for Get a Life. For example, Alexa can tell you Star Wars jokes, yo mama jokes and even some interesting trivia facts. the bear replies. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. I guess it's just not in the cards for me. In his sleevies. "That . 8. How did the hipster burn his mouth? Last updated: Feb 09, 2023 Jokes and Riddles For Kids and Adults to Solve. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled cheese." If they ask, "Who asked?" Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. Some are dead. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? 1. Wait, don't actually look if you want functioning eyes. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? 1. See you next month. But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. Some might even make your eyes roll. A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. 3. Whos There? Ill go on a head. The Satisfactory. Kid: who asked? Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. You cared enough to dismiss it; that counts. 33. Dont worry, said the doc. Well-armed. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. Even if you love these clever jokes, youll still get a kick out of these anti-jokes. A 6.9 is a good thing screwed up by a period. Elementree school. Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. Whats warm, wet, and pink? What's Forrest Gump's email password? ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? He wanted to get a long little doggie. About. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? History is usually no laughing matter, but sometimes we can't help but LOL at modern interpretations of the past. With a mon-key. * You didn't ask me? What did the full glass say to the empty glass? Explanation: The first two errors? The redhead says it looks like cum. Because their horns don't work! I used to hate facial hairbut then it grew on me. 7 Up in cider. Cereal pleasure to meet you! I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. How do you make a tissue dance? Why is being in the military like a blow-job? Got a PS5 for my little brother. I always tell new hires, Dont think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.. Once a girl looked at me and shouted loudly, I don't want to sit next to her! What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? They lift them up and slam them on the ground. How did you quit smoking? jokes just never get old. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. What did the left eye say to the right eye? document.addEventListener( 'DOMContentLoaded', function() { This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. 2. What did the card say when he didn't end up getting through the job interview? That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. Whats red and moves up and down? 27. 28. Right where you left it. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? (stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. What did the left eye say to the right eye? "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. When I was in junior high, the girls in my class would laugh at me or ask questions designed to embarrass me. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. Why do geese fly south in the winter? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Traffic jam. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. 1. My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. Knock Knock Whos there? Explanation: Even on an island of one, religion can be a tricky issue. What do you get from a pampered cow? A Master Baiter. There were two goldfish in a tank. If you see me laughing, its because I already have. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? By following these tips, youll be able to handle the who asked question like a pro and keep the conversation going despite it. 45 lbs. 8. []BMany people think of bully as one child pushing or hitting another, but bullying is not only physical. 19. A receding hare line. A chipmunk. See ya! ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. Then, use one of the witty comebacks listed above to silence them! Wait. You know there's no official training for trash collectors? "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". By the taste. Control Freak. By making him one with everything, the hot dog vendor is connecting him to a spicy dog, mustard, and sauerkraut. Well, I am 100% sure you did. How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? When he thinks he's "him" but he's really just another "he" som original - . 9. Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally. Get ready to laugh with this Valentine's-themed joke: How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? If at first you dont succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? These classic What did? When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. All while making the question asker look dumb. The other guy replies, "You're, What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? They are similar to the phrase "shut up"and may be considered rude to use. All it was doing was gathering dust! Why do bees have sticky hair? I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. No, but I wanted to save you the trouble of thinking for yourself. Sucka dick and let me in. Now the focus has shifted back to them, showing anyone in earshot how rude the first question was, making them embarrassed and making you laugh. Getting down and dirty with your hoes. . A bear walks into a restaurant. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. Why don't math majors throw house parties? A pouch potato. You can drop them off anywhere. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Oinkment. Same middle name. Do you love hearing jokes? But I'm clean now. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. 69 with three people watching. Those are just contractions., Why the big pause? asks the bartender. Some annoying people ask, Who asked? after you tell a story. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? Viper07__ 3 yr. ago. What do you call a pudgy psychic? Hey, just warning you: These lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Whos there? A happy uncle. Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. You might love your life, but I think it just wants to be friends. By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. He just can't part with it. The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. 1Forrest1. What do you call a zen master in charge of snacks? Just because you didnt ask doesnt mean you didnt need to be told. This was voted one of the best jokes of all time in a 2010 Reader's Digest jokes contest: A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. Cancel its credit card. Person . What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Cookie Notice Three words to ruin a mans ego? "I stand corrected!" Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake. You spread its little legs. This joke makes light of changing churches. As you can see, there are plenty of comebacks for who asked, nobody cares, etc. How do celebrities stay cool? Article continues below advertisement. You wait here. He's all right now. Her face was flush with love. Not all men are annoying. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. This one is both funny and clever because at first, it seems like a strange response but then it becomes clear that you are calling the question asker dumb. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. Why0is it that everything youlove is either unhealthy, addictive, or has multiple restraining orders againstyou? Whats the difference between your wife and your job? What did the grape do when it was sat on? Updated: 13 September 2022 First Published: 16 September 2019 Kids are natural comedians, they love telling jokes and laughing at even the silliest stories. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. What washes up on very small beaches? Knock Knock! A tomato in an elevator. Fuck you said who? What is red and smells like blue paint? What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? 14. Next time someone asks you, "who asked," or "did I ask" use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. messedupcole18 3 yr. ago. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . He pasta-way. Approximately one GB. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. 32. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. What did the tree say to the tree surgeon? Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Stickers 5 Results Buy any 4 and get 25% off. Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person? Explanation: By themselves, the musical notes C, E-flat, and G are simply tones, neither major nor minor. Jokes for Kids 2022 | Beano.com. I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." 35. Dude, your dicks hanging out. That was an insect. To which one of the boys replies, Im surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!.